It's that time of year when end-of-season gongs are dished out, so Brian Reade takes a sideways look at the season just gone and hands out some silverware
It certainly wasn’t a classic Premier League campaign, with Chelsea comfortably holding off any challenge from start to finish and the relegation slots sorting themselves out with relatively little box-office drama.
Every English side bombed in Europe, only a handful of truly great players were on show and there was barely a match that will stay in the neutral’s memory bank past their first summer holiday cocktail.
But, as ever, there were some great goals, controversies, gestures, rants and talking points. So here’s my alternative football awards for 2014-15.
Gallery: The 50 defining moments of the season
Best social conscience
Plenty of worthy contenders like Zlatan Ibrahimovich who had the names of 50 starving kids tattooed in his torso to highlight world hunger and Derry man James McClean, who took abuse for wanting to play without a poppy sewn on to his Wigan shirt, but did so anyway in recognition of all those who still suffer from the memory of Bloody Sunday.
Mark Noble told Christmas fixture list whiners like Louis van Gaal that any football man feeling sorry for himself should think of soldiers in war zones “getting bullets fired at them while we are playing in the Premier League” but Steven Naismith, who handed out four season tickets to unemployed Evertonians before every home game, is the year’s real good guy.
Laurence Griffiths 
Best joke
David Bernstein called for a boycott of 2018 World Cup over “totalitarian FIFA being beyond ridicule” (the same people the FA showered with gifts and dignitaries in the hope of seducing them on to their side in a bid that was beyond ridicule). Roy Hodgson voted for Javier Mascherano as the world’s best player in the Ballon D’Or award and Stoke spent £3 milion as against Liverpool’s £117 million last summer yet thrashed them 6-1. All raised a titter. But Mike Ashley (estimated wealth £3.24 billion) being fined £7,500 by the Scottish FA for breaching dual-ownership rules, had us all on the floor.
Reuters 
Best quote
Gary Neville describing the supposed English Clasico, Man United v Liverpool, as “The Dog and Duck versus The Red Lion” and Sepp Blatter batting away awkward questions about his lack of action over violence at the Africa Cup of Nations with “we never talk about princesses marrying any more” were decent palate-cleansers.But silver goes to Roy Keane describing in his book how he laid into his Sunderland players for listening to Abba before a game because, “they were going out to play a match, men versus men, testosterone levels were high. You’ve got to hit people at pace. F****** Dancing Queen?”
And gold to Harry Redknapp, for this timely blast at Adel Taarabt: “He’s not injured. He’s not fit to play football unfortunately. He played in a reserve game the other day and I could have run about more than he did. What am I supposed to keep saying? Keep getting your 60, 70 grand a week and don’t train? What’s the game coming to?” A nation saluted.
Jordan Mansfield 
Best Bredanism
As ever a tough category but runner-up has to be “I thought we were excellent. Our overall game was outstanding,” the Liverpool boss said after a dire 0-0 draw at West Brom which killed off any hope of a top four finish. But the winner, which summed up Brendan’s hubristic genius came when a win over Swansea in April had him boasting that Liverpool now had the “opportunity to finish second.” Days later Manchester United beat them comfortably at Anfield, and weeks later Rodgers had changed his tune to: “Where we sit now, fifth place, is probably on a par with where we’re at.” Well, one place below it, actually.
Andrew Powell 
Worst sight
An exhaustive list including Sepp Blatter standing for a fifth term as FIFA President, the epidemic of yellow boots and half-and-half scarves, Karl Oyston’s number plate OY51 OUT deliberately antagonising the fans, Cristiano Ronaldo’s look of disgust every time a colleague had the audacity to score rather than play him in for a tap-in, but for pure undiluted ugliness the video of those Chelsea neanderthals on the Paris Metro racially abusing a black commuter won with ease.
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